Love Confessed Page 7

  “Really? What kind of trouble? That’s not like him…” he asks with a worried voice.

  “Well, apparently there was some kind of luncheon for fathers and sons and when you weren’t there Ethan cried and the kids started making fun of him. So he started picking on a little girl whose mother passed away when she was born. I’m a little in over my head on all this. I’ve tried talking to him, I’ve tried disciplining him, but he really needs you Joseph. He needs his dad. I was thinking maybe he could come to London and stay with you for a little while this summer?” Please, please say yes I keep repeating in my head.

  “Well…I suppose we could work something out,” he says after a long second of pondering. This is a huge step for me, letting go of Ethan like this, but I think it will be good for all of us.

  “How would he get here? I don’t want him flying on his own.”

  Well no shit Joseph is all I could think. I shake my head to myself. Sometimes I think he forgets that I’ve managed to keep Ethan alive myself just fine thus far.

  “I was thinking that I would fly with him there and you could fly with back with him. I’d do both but I can’t take that much time off of work. He wants to call you first thing in the morning so I’ll let you bring this up to him. He will be really excited, especially if you are the one to bring it up to him.”

  “Sounds great, Leah.” For just a moment he hesitates, then takes a deep breath. Crap. I wonder what he’s going to say.

  “Hey listen, I wanted to tell you that there may be a chance that I will be moving to the States. I’m working my arse off to be closer to you guys. You know that I’d do anything to be in his life more and I’d like to be more a part of yours too. That is if you’re not seeing anybody. Shit, I sound like a complete idiot. When did things get so awkward with us? We used to be able to talk about anything,” he sighs, sounding defeated. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I don’t plan on being in London forever. And love, I’m really sorry about what Ethan is going through. I’ll do whatever I can to help you fix it. Mum and Dad will be really excited for you guys to visit too.”

  “That’s great…for Ethan. You know that we’re just friends Joseph. Also, I actually have started seeing someone.”

  I lie because I don’t want to go there again with him. We’ve toyed with the idea of “us,” skirting around the possibilities over the years. Ultimately though, he left me after sleeping with me. He chose to take our relationship to the next level then completely destroyed it. If it weren’t for Ethan, I would have never spoken to him again. Plus I’m really confused about what’s happening between Steve and I. He seemed really upset that I left after we had sex, which surprised me. If anything, I thought that he’d be grateful that I didn’t leave him to deal with an awkward morning after or ask for any sort of commitment from him. I thought a random night of fun was all he was interested in, especially since he’s friends with my playboy boss.

  “Right. Well, who is the lucky fella?”

  I can tell that he’s trying to hide his disappointment which is surprising because I know that Joseph’s never been short of female attention. As stupid as it sounds, my competitive side hates the idea of him winning; being the dad that Ethan adores and still being able to live up the bachelor life.

  “Nobody. I don’t want to talk about him so I’m hanging up now.”

  “Bye kitten.”

  He uses my nickname and it makes me smile. Apparently, when I snore it sounds more like a purr, so he claims.

  * * *

  I haven’t seen Ethan this excited in months and it makes me so happy. We have decided that I will fly to London with Ethan after school ends and Joseph will bring him back two weeks before school starts in August. It is my hope that with Ethan knowing that he will be seeing his father soon he can handle the teasing of the school kids better if it happens again. Hopefully it will stop, but if it doesn’t, at least getting to spend this time in person with his dad will make him feel more secure in their relationship. Maybe the distance will hurt him a little less.

  Was I hallucinating when Joseph said he was planning on moving back to the states? I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around this. I’ve been doing all of this on my own for so long that I can’t even imagine what it would be like to share Ethan consistently, week to week. I know just yesterday I was wishing I had help, but I don’t think I’m prepared for help like this. I don’t know that I ever will be. We’re definitely going to have to sit down and discuss what kind of involvement Joseph is expecting. I know Ethan needs his father in his life more but how do I go from having my son with me every day and night for over six years to just a few days a week? I can’t even think about this right now. I need some wine…

  * * *

  Saturday, means errands day. Our first stop is the dry cleaners then off to brunch with Hannah at our favorite cafe. She’s been in the final stages of a big project at the architectural firm where she works. That, coupled with her recent engagement to her long distance beau she spends nearly all of her free time visiting while he finishes up his residency out of state, has kept her too busy for our regular brunch date for the last few weeks. Honestly, she’s around all the time when I have nothing to share and now that my love life is getting interesting, we’re three weeks behind! I can’t wait to catch up with her. We finish catching up on the basics, we look through wedding ideas, and then suddenly she stops mid-sentence and looks at me.

  “What, Leah? What are you not telling me? I know that look – it’s the one when you’ve got something to confess, but you’re being a chicken. Spill it.”

  I look over to see that Ethan is engrossed with the book on his tablet, headphones on, completely oblivious.

  “So, I ran into Steve at the office…”

  “That’s kind of normal though, right? I thought he was there all the time since he’s friends with Scott. This is kind of old news, friend. Did you do your Junior High, eyes at each other, afraid to speak thing you guys do?” she asks as she takes a sip of her drink, feigning boredom with the subject she’s heard me be afraid to act on way too many times.

  I check Ethan again then put my face in my hands before I confess, “Unfortunately, no Hannah. I ran into him. Like literally, physically ran into him.” Then I take a deep breath and decide it’s better to just spill it all at once. Hannah Black and I have been best friends for over a decade. There’s nothing we haven’t told each other, but still – I have a hard time actually getting this out. I keep my head down because, without even looking at her, I can see her expectant look, raised eyebrow, mimosa sipping face. I need to tell her, but if I see her trying not to laugh at me I’ll turn red and give up.

  “It was awful, Hannah! I was horrified! He looked at me and I swear to god, he could see every wet dream I’ve ever had about him. Then, at the company party, which I looked amazing for, by the way. I’ll have to show you a picture. Anyway, we kind of hooked up and it was amazing. Like the best sex I’ve ever had. But then I freaked out the next morning and ran out. I haven’t had a one night stand since Joseph and, well, you know how that went.”

  Finally I look up and see the giant smirk on her face and throw my napkin at her. Ethan looks up, decides we’re still boring, and goes back to his book.

  “OMG! You’re killing me. Please continue. What happened next?! Are you telling me he’s better than Joseph? Because I remember you saying he was the best you’d ever had. And yay you! It’s about damn time you did something fun like that. So, have you seen him again?! Tell me, how amazing was this amazing sex you had with your sexy polished lumbersexual?!” she asks leaning in and drumming her fingers together. She’s enjoying this way too much.

  “It gets worse! You don’t even understand. So you know how Ethan had had trouble with that little girl at school? Well, it turns out that sex machine has an adorable child. Who happens to be cute little Abby from Ethan’s class and the one he’s been having problems with. She’s Steve’s daughter! Which, I found out only when I w
alked into Ethan’s classroom for the conference with Abby and Steve…” I think all of that it came out in one breath and I was so relieved when I finally stopped, even though I only stopped because Hannah is laughing so hard that she spit out some mimosa. She’s such a bitch sometimes, but I love her. “Also, to answer your question about Joseph, I don’t know if it was better than him, but certainly comparable.” I tell her knowing that she’ll never let me get away with keeping it to myself.

  “Friend, I want to hug you right now. This is the best story I’ve ever heard you tell!” she laughs at me. After my best friend is done laughing, I am able to fill her in on the rest of my Steve dilemma.

  Ethan and I stop by the grocery store for our last stop. I’m terrible at sticking to a list when it comes to shopping. Instead we walk up and down each aisle browsing the shelves for things that we need and want, all the while driving my poor son crazy. Today is no better, because telling Hannah all about Steve has got me thinking about him and trying to figure out exactly what I think about him. About it. About him and about us. My distraction means we spend an exceptionally long time wandering aimlessly around the store. When we finally make it to the produce section Ethan does everything he can to distract me from the vegetables.

  “Mom, come here we need more bananas.” He shouts from the other side.

  “Right after I grab this broccoli.”

  “Aww really mom? Do we have to get broccoli? I don’t like broccoli.”

  He’s making his best pouty face and I have to give him an A for effort as I make a big dramatic show of putting the broccoli in the basket. As my grand gesture of making sure Ethan can see me over-zealously put the broccoli in over the bins of fruit between us is almost complete I hear somebody say -

  “Broccoli can be really good, especially with cheese on it.”

  The voice is deep, familiar and has me frozen right where I stand. It has a direct line to my groin and just hearing it has my heart racing and my panties feeling a little damp.

  What is he doing here? I have never run into him here and now that we’ve slept together all of a sudden I’m going to start seeing him everywhere. Thanks a lot universe. Okay, Leah you can do this. Get your shit together. Our last chance meeting ended rather awkwardly so how could this one be any worse? I smile and turn around.

  “Steve. What brings you here?”

  I say a little too brightly giving away my nervousness. I see Abby is with him and she’s already distracted by Ethan. As he walks over to me my heart starts beating faster and I can’t help but notice how laid back he appears. Quite the opposite of how I am feeling right now. Hopefully I don’t look as rattled on the outside as I feel on the inside. My opening question doesn’t provide for a promising start though.

  “Well, I needed some groceries so I thought this would be the best place to get them,” he replies grinning at me with brows raised.

  “Thanks for being a smart ass. Here I thought you were so much more mature than that; glad to see I was wrong.”

  “Me? Mature? Don’t know why you would have thought that,” he winks at me.

  “Oh I don’t know maybe it’s the fact that you’re what 40, have a successful business, and a child.” I realize now that I’m grinning too.

  “40?” he scoffs. “I’m insulted. I’m only 34. Do I really look that old? And in case you haven’t heard, we men tend to mature at a slower rate than women.”

  “Right. How could I forget that?”

  “Look, I saw you and I wanted to apologize for making things awkward yesterday at pizza. I’ve never had a woman leave in the middle of the night so it made me a little insecure and was kind of eating at me. I hope we can put that behind us and be friends.”

  Friends? How can I be just friends with this man, now that I know what it’s like to have his hands on me, feel his lips on me and feel him inside me? When just hearing his voice has my body reacting this way. Just the thought has me aching for him.

  “Friends. I like that. I think that will be good for the kids too. They seem to have put their differences aside.”

  I look over and see Ethan and Abby playing with his toy car on the ground. They’re only a few feet away so I leave them be, they don’t seem to be bothering anyone.

  “Also, did I hear you say insecure? That’s certainly not a word I would use to describe you.” The way this conversation feels, this shameless flirting, feels totally foreign to me but I like it.

  “Well, thanks but yeah. At first I thought maybe you were regretting it because you were drunk. Or maybe I had taken advantage of your intoxicated state. But then there was a small part of me that thought maybe the sex was bad for you and that you didn’t want to say anything to me so you left. I just wanted to make sure everything was ok, that you were ok with what happened. Seeing you yesterday…I…I just had to know.”

  He runs a hand through his hair and for the first time I can see a vulnerable side to him. Something inside me stirs and I can’t identify the feeling. He’s standing so close to me I can smell him and if I shifted just slightly we would be touching. I want to reach out or shift, I want to touch him but we’re in a grocery store and we’ve only just decided to be friends so I refrain, because I’m fairly certain the way I want to touch him doesn’t fit safely into the “friend” parameters.

  “Steve, I don’t think I need to say it again, but I will. What happened between us was good. Really good. Let’s just leave at that and agree to be friends. Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  He says and sticks his hand out for me to shake. What am I, some business acquisition? Men. I shake his hand and we both turn to the kids who are still playing on the ground.

  “Hey Abby, sweetie, it’s time to go.”

  “Same for us Ethan. Grab your car.”

  Before I leave I grab the bananas and head to the checkout counter.

  8 Steve

  Why did I open my big mouth and suggest that Leah and I be friends? The moment the idea came out I knew that it wasn’t what I wanted. For years I would see her when visiting Scott’s office or at a function and think “God she’s beautiful.” I’d almost walked up and talked to her so many times before but something had always stopped me. When I’d see her, I would almost immediately imagine what it would be like to hold her, to kiss her, to have her in my bed. Even with all the detail of my imaginations, none of it compared to the feeling of actually being with her. I know now that she felt the same things I have – she had to have for the connection between us to be possible.

  When I was talking to her though, I just froze. I didn’t want to be friends. I knew that I didn’t, even before the words actually left my mouth. I wish she had corrected me. I wish she would have told me what a dumb idea “friends” was and how we both know we want more. She didn’t though. She looked even a little bit relieved when I said it, like she was afraid I was going to say what she could probably tell I was thinking, what I wish I had said. If she’s not ready for anything more than friends then I guess I’ll have to be patient with her. Especially, since I’m the ass who suggested this “friends” experiment anyway. Also because if friends is the way I can have her in my life right now, then I’ll definitely take it.

  Three weeks have passed since our run in at the grocery store. Three weeks have passed since we’ve established this ideal of friendship. I’ve seen her a few times at her office. Scott’s office. The office I keep finding dumb excuses to go to. I keep justifying it because now we’re friends and friends like running into each other. I’ll have to admit though that I like running into her more than any of my other friends. At least now she will speak to me when I’m there.

  I was pleasantly surprised to learn that Leah is going to chaperone the kid’s field trip to the Chicago Children’s Museum, since I am going it as well. Like a school boy with a ridiculous crush, I get absurdly excited to know that we will be spending time together again even if the time we are spending together will be spent corralling a buss full of six year olds.
Honestly, I think I’m even more excited than Abby is about this field trip and it’s a little bit embarrassing. Being a single parent and running a business makes it hard to be as involved with her school work as I’d really like to be. I don’t get to be around for quite as much of it as I wish that I did, and I’m always really little excited for hands-on opportunities like this. This close proximity to Leah today is just an added bonus. I gave up trying to count how many times I’ve kicked myself for pushing the friends thing when both of us know we want more but it looks like we’re just gonna have to make this work.

  I walk out of the closet after finally deciding what I’m going to wear and find my daughter laying on my bed, laughing at me.

  “Daddy, that’s the third shirt you’ve put on today. Can we go already?! I don’t want to be late! Ethan and I are going to sit together on the bus, he’s saving me a spot and I don’t want somebody else to get it. Maybe you can sit with Leah and we can have fun like when we went and had pizza?”

  “Well honey, there are going to be a lot of people there. All of the kids in your class are going, your teacher, and there are three other parents who are volunteering so I’m sure I’ll be pretty busy. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to sit with Ethan’s mom but maybe we’ll be able to set up a play date soon so that the four of us can hang out again.” But I really, really hope I can sit with her. I’m pretty sure my daughter knows.

  Chicago can be humid but this year has been fortunately mild. So I can’t figure out why, when it’s 7:30 am on a spring morning, I’m sweating like it’s 3:00 pm in the middle of July. I’m so nervous to see Leah. Each time we’ve seen each other in her office since the pizza run in day it’s only just been a quick hey how are you in the halls. This is different though; we’re going to be together all day today and I’m not sure how responsible I can be for supervising six year olds with her in such close proximity. No matter how many are swarming around me, I don’t think I’ll be able to look away from the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.