Love Confessed Page 13

  The look on his face as his eyes meet mine is one I haven’t seen before, a look full of promise and suddenly I can’t wait to get done with the driving. God, I think I really like this guy. More than I’ve liked anybody in a long time. More than I cared to realize until his elation with my choice makes me beam like a total nerd inside. I thought that I knew there could be something here, but Joseph confessing his undying love for me threw me for a loop. I’ve wanted that for so long that when it happened, I didn’t feel like I thought I would. I feel like it may be too late for us. I will always care for Joseph. He had been my best friend all throughout college and personally I think that best friend “break ups” are so much harder than those of a romantic nature. In a lot of ways I think I’ve been mourning that part of our relationship all these years.

  After spending the week with him, it feels like there’s a chance he can be that person again someday. Obviously, I will always love him as the father of my child; the child I adore and see him in every day. However, Steve brings out a part of me that I thought died when Joseph left, and as much history as Joseph and I have it will never be like it was before.

  Too much has happened; too much time parenting alone has made a romantic relationship between us more than difficult. One thing I know for sure is that we will always be able to co-parent well, although it will be within closer proximity than I previously would have thought to be possible. But when I left London that revelation wasn’t the only reason I was excited. Steve and I texted quite a bit during my trip and despite my reservations, my hesitance to invest myself in a relationship, I can’t seem to help my excitement with him. Honestly I’ve never asked somebody, actually been the one to invite somebody on a date but when he said yes so readily it piqued something inside of me. I didn’t even have to think that long before I knew exactly what I wanted us to do. I have always wanted to drive luxury cars and I’m so glad I chose to have Steve do it with me. His excitement shifted things. It made me less anxious, less afraid that he didn’t feel the same way that I did. Not just about the cars but about us as well. I could feel my hesitation, my vulnerability lessen just a little bit.

  Just as Monsieur Piroux opens the door to the track, Steve turns to me, grabs my face in his hands and kisses me. Not a peck but not obscene either. A quick, strong, deep kiss that makes me moan. For a moment, I forget where we are. As I lean up on my toes and put my arms around him, letting him deepen his kiss and show me I think, how excited and thankful he is - then he pulls away and I instantly feel cold and lonely because I want more. I need more of him. I look up into his eyes, feeling lost at the sudden break in contact; and the devious twinkle in those gorgeous green eyes is a promise that this kiss will be continued later. It’s a promise strong enough to send a shiver through me as we follow our guide out the door and take the key to the first car, the Porsche 918.

  “You realize that this is my dream car. The car I’ve wanted since I was seven, the only car that could compare to you in beauty?” he says as he looks at me with a cheesy, satisfied grin, that makes me burst out laughing.

  “Well then, should I be jealous of this car?” I ask with my hands on my hips and my eyebrows raised.

  “No, you two make a perfect pair. I’m a very happy man right now. You know what would make me happier? If we could be sneaky enough to have sex in my dream car…” he says as he saunters up to me, puts his hands on my waist and kisses the top of my head. Aaaaand the devious look is back, even worse than before. I suddenly wish that it were possible for us to be sneaky because between this look, the car, and Steve just looking so sexy my panties are a little damp.

  I watch his big, strong hands hold the wheel with calm control as we race around the track, and all I can think of is those hands all over me. On me. In me. Ugh, can the PG portion of this date please be over? Because I need him to take me home now. The rumble of this car is doing nothing to stave off the growing warmth I’m feeling spread deep down low; warmth that makes me cross my legs to quelch it. I try to hide the reaction I’m having to him it but it’s to no avail. He can see everything.

  “You okay over there?” he smirks like a smart ass.

  Fortunately, I choose that moment to break his gaze and look down past the strong arms driving the last powerful car of the evening to see that he’s beginning to feel the same excitement that I am.

  “About as okay as you, it appears…” I say giving him my best seductive look while slowly licking my lips.

  “Aaaand I think we’re done here. I’m taking you home.” He says matter of factly as he pulls the car into the drop off ten minutes early and gets out moving quickly around the front of the car to open my door. I must remember to use that look more often. We walk briskly, almost trot, to the counter to retrieve our driver licenses and thank our host, Steve pulls me to the car. Holy hell, I’m so turned on. I’m not sure what the female version of a boner is but I know I’ve got one right now. The fact that he’s so turned on, is making me even more turned on.

  He grabs the keys from me and ushers me into my seat, kissing me hard and fast. Before I can even say anything my door is closed and he’s making his way to the drivers side.

  “Mind telling me why I can’t drive us home?” I ask, not really caring just wanting to see what he will say.

  “I want you Leah. Now. We need to get somewhere so I can take you. Feel you.” His breathing is labored and I think I’m going to have fun with this. As Steve pulls out onto the road I adjust the seat back just a little bit so that I’m slightly reclined. Then I unbutton my pants and lower my zipper. I can see him looking at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “What are you doing?” he asks, barely paying attention to the road.

  “Focus Steve. On the road. I’m touching myself.” I respond matter of factly, dipping my hand below my waistband feeling my own heat. As I start to move my hand I realize I’m panting and I hear Steve moan.

  “Leah, if you don’t stop I will pull this car over and fuck you right here.”

  “You want me to stop? Okay…” I say though hooded eyes. I sit my seat back up and dip my soaked finger into his mouth. Gently he sucks it. I’m so turned on I can’t wait to get to the house to touch him. His erection is practically bursting through his jeans and all I want to do is free it. So I do. He says nothing as I unzip his pants and pull him free. Leaning over the center console I take him in my mouth. My motions are slow at first and one of his hands is in my hair. I feel the swerve of the car and smile. “Focus Steve. Don’t crash the car.” I say in a soft whisper.

  “I’m trying.” The words barely make it out and my mouth is back on him. I start moving a little faster, swirling my tongue and pumping him with my fist at the same time. “Leah…” my name comes out strained. I continue my sweet seduction. When we pull up to a stoplight I sit up but continue to rub his thigh. There aren’t as many cars on the road as I would’ve expected. The light turns green and I lower myself back down giving him just enough but not too much because I don’t want him to come yet. God, I’ve never been in control like this and I like it. He reaches over to try to touch me but I smack his hand away. We pull up to another stoplight so I sit up.

  “Okay. I’ll play your game.” He smiles slyly and takes off when the light changes. I continue my torture all the way home. We’re barely stopped before we’ve both opened our doors and rushed inside and the excitement of what I just did to him makes me giggle. He grabs me just as he closes the door and pushes me against the wall in his foyer. Not hard, it doesn’t hurt me, but harder than I’ve ever been pushed against a wall before. It makes me inhale a sharp breath and I feel myself get even more excited than I’ve ever been, than I knew was possible.

  His mouth is on mine hard and fast at the same time, his hands move under my shirt. His fingers brush across my nipples, they stiffen immediately and the sensation moves down my body making me wet all over again. Last time we slept together he was so controlled and gentle, it’s almost like this is a completely diffe
rent man. My little game in the car has payed off because, I like this.

  “Leah” my name is a breathless whisper on his lips. “I’ve missed you this past week. I thought about all the things I wanted to do to you. I imagined having you spread out all over my apartment and I think I’ll start right here.”

  His voice is hoarse and I can hear him mirror every ounce of need I’m feeling. “Yes.” I moan because it’s really all I can think or say in this moment. Our urgency to get close to each other and touch each other has us grabbing each other’s shirts and ripping them off. The only other sounds I can hear as the buttons scatter all over the floor are our little moans, our rushed breaths, and my racing heart. He shoves my pants down, moves my panties to the side and his fingers start to stroke my sex then slip in me at a surprisingly slow pace, his ravenous mouth never leaving mine until his other hand pulls the cup of my bra down and his mouth moves down to capture my nipple. Hard.

  I’m so turned on by how desperate we are for each other, by how badly he needs me. My need to have him inside me has been building since I watched him handle those powerful cars like a pro. And it just kept growing when I tasted him in the car. I grab the waist band of his pants and quickly unbutton them shoving them to his knees which is no easy feat given the rigidness of his erection. I grab his length and stroke him a few times while I guide him towards me.

  “Steve, I need you. I need you inside me now.” I breathe as a throw my head back to give him the access he needs to continue kissing down my neck, still moving the slickness of my desire over the most sensitive parts of me. I’ve only managed to kick off one boot and remove one pant leg but it’s just enough for me to throw my free leg around his waist. He frees my other leg and I wrap them around his waist. My back is against the foyer wall and he catches me entirely off guard as he grabs the back of my thighs and shoves inside of me. No warning. No preamble, and wow. The fullness is better than I remember and it’s exactly what I need. He moves inside me roughly and quickly but I need more.

  “Harder.” I breathe on an exhale then bite his shoulder spurring him to comply with my request. He kisses me with the same passion and rhythm that his hips are using. I move my fingers into his hair and tug. When he moans against my lips it’s my undoing, and after three more thrusts, it’s his as well.

  He slowly lowers us both to the ground and I straddle his thighs. He’s still inside me. Still hard and I still want more. We sit there in silence for a moment, me on his lap, my head against his chest. Just trying to catch our breath.

  “Leah, we didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry, I wanted you so much that I didn’t even think about it.” He realizes out loud in a gentle voice. Shit. I didn’t even realize it either.

  “It’s fine. I’m on the pill and I would like to think that if you have a reason for me to be concerned you would have told me before we slept together the first time. I trust you.” This admission is a big thing for me. I really do trust him. I didn’t realize how much until now, now that I’ve said it out loud and I can’t see that this simple realization makes him every bit as happy as it makes me.

  16 Steve

  Fuck, we didn’t use a condom. We didn’t even talk about not using a condom before it happened. I haven’t done that since Janie. Yea, sex obviously feels better skin on skin but Abby is enough on my own – more kids hasn’t been a risk that I am willing to take, usually it’s more that I haven’t felt the need for that kind of connection, that sort of intimacy. But with Leah, I couldn’t wait for it. I needed it. I needed to feel her around me. She needed to feel me inside of her. I know it’s early and I’m pretty sure that I’m an asshole for not caring that it was happening without a responsible conversation but I suddenly had this primal, cave man urge to possess her. Maybe I should but I don’t feel bad for it because, with the desperation in her fuck-me eyes throughout the date and her torment in the car, I knew that she needed the same thing I did.

  Then when I finally muster up the decency to apologize for my “me Tarzan, you Jane” moment I expect her to be mad about it. Or to at least panic for a second, but she doesn’t. She actually tells me that she trusts me and that’s what surprises me the most because it was a confession that I can tell doesn’t come easily from her. I realize then how much I trust her as well, and her trust in me kindles the innate urge I have to protect her since that moment I ran into her. It makes me feel even a stronger responsibility to make her happy, safe, and to never give her cause for that trust to be broken.

  We spend almost every day together while the kids are gone. It’s unexpectedly comfortable and easy. The moment in the foyer was a turning point for both of us I think. We hit a couple of museums that would have bored the kids. Drink more than we should. Discover a shared admiration for stoner comedies. I haven’t had much need for romantic comedies the last few years and, even though I don’t think I’ll admit it, EVER, they’re not as bad as I thought they would be. I’m certainly qualified to voice my opinion on the matter because I have now seen enough to make me an expert in the field. We go to a work dinner of hers, one of my college roommates birthday parties, and the real fun comes when we realize we are going to go to an engagement party for a couple it turns out we’re both friends with. Good friends with, actually. It turns out that William, my best friend from high school, is marrying Leah’s best friend from college. William and Hannah met a few years ago when William was in town for a friend’s wedding. He was just starting his residency in Arizona and so he and Hannah have had a whirlwind long distance romance. I’ve hung out with both of them together a few times, but it turns out that everybody’s schedule never worked out enough for us to all hang out together and realize we knew each other.

  It’s crazy now exactly how small of a town a city with nearly three million people in it can be. Without knowing it we end up inviting each other to go to our best friend’s engagement party, I try to remember all of the stories I’ve heard Hannah tell about her best friend Leah and their college days. I can’t believe I never put it all together but I feel a little bit better since nobody else did either. After the engagement dinner when it’s transitioned into more of a party and everybody has had a few drinks, Hannah catches me on my way back from making a call outside to tell Abby goodnight.

  “So you’re the infamous sex machine Steve I’ve heard so much about? How could none of us have figured this out before?” she laughs and catches Leah’s eye, causing Leah to walk over suspiciously.

  “Don’t believe anything she tells you, Steve.” Linking arms with Hannah and resting her head on her best friends shoulder she looks up to her and asks in the tone of a mock threat, “I’m sure you wouldn’t say anything to embarrass me, now would you bestie?”

  “Of course not, darling. I was just telling Steve how glad I am that his sexual abilities live up to his rugged sex god appearance.”

  “Oh God, Hannah. You’re cut off. And I need another drink.” She looks at me turning bright read and grabbing a martini from a passing waitress.

  “No but really! I’m just saying that you were right. Steve, I’m glad she finally met somebody who can give Joseph a run for his money…” she says matter-of-factly and then turns towards the dance floor and her waiting fiancé. I’m not going to lie – I’m pretty excited that I appear to be getting such good press. But what the fuck does she mean about giving Joseph a run for his money?! The warning look Leah gives in response to my questioning head tilt to the mention of her son’s father lets me know that the topic is most certainly closed for tonight.

  * * *

  We make love every night and most mornings. Waking up to Leah, to her mouth on me, feels natural like she was made to be here and I love it. The rest of the engagement party night was a blast and I’ve managed to not pester her about the Joseph comment even though it’s driving me a little bit crazy. Leah’s never given me a reason not to trust her before but I can’t help this possessive streak I feel trying to well up. The feeling of wanting to tell this Joseph guy to go
to hell because, even though I don’t know what happened, I can’t imagine it was good or she would still be with him. Despite this small caveat, everything is going smoothly until the Saturday night before Abby comes home my mom decides to video chat with me. Abby wants to show me the kitten that she’s begging to bring home. I guess she thinks that me seeing it increases her odds? Or maybe she thinks that I won’t hear her bat her eyelashes loudly enough over the phone. Either way, it works because I cave.

  Now I know I’ll end up taking care of an animal I’m sure I’ll hate but she’s never had a pet and she swears up and down she’ll be the one doing all of the caretaking. This will be a good time to teach her responsibility. Our conversation is almost over when Leah pads down the stairs after her shower and, on her way to the kitchen, yells “Hey is the game on yet? Want me to grab you a beer?” Damn it. Here we go.

  “Steven James!! Is that your girlfriend?!”

  “Daddy, daddy, daddy is that Leah?!?” Abby chimes in and at the sound of her voice Leah comes running into the room.

  “Hey! Is that my favorite girl?!” Leah shouts as she sprints back into the room and slides in beside me on the couch.

  “Leah, where’s Ethan? I miss him!”

  “Oh honey bunny, he’s still in England with his dad. He comes home in a week and a half. We’ll have to have a playdate when he gets back, okay?”

  “Yes! Can you paint my nails like we talked about please? With the flowers?”