Love Confessed Read online

  As stunning as Leah looks at work, the few glimpses I’ve gotten of her out of the office - with jeans on, her hair up, relaxed and having fun while we’re goofing off with the kids or when she’s laughing while she’s making fun of me - is a whole different kind of sexy. This laid back Leah is the one I woke up hard to after dreaming about her last night. I didn’t think it was possible but she looks even hotter than she did in my dream. When we walk up behind her chatting with Mrs. Withers, I stop dead in my tracks and Abby runs off to meet her friends without me. Leah has tight, cuffed jeans on with black Converse and a fitted Harvard t-shirt. She’s wearing silver hoops and her hair is in a ponytail and I swear I feel like I’m visibly drooling when Abby hugs Leah who then turns back to see me speechless in her wake. Her eyebrow is raised and she’s got a smirk on her face the second she sees me. Damn it. She knows exactly what I’m thinking. Or at least she thinks she does. I’m pretty sure she can’t tell that I’m thinking of how I want to wrap her ponytail around my hand and hold her in place while I stand behind her and pull on it so I can kiss my way down her neck while my other hand is playing with her nipple…

  Damn it Steve, get it together! This is not the place for me to be lost in thought, especially not thoughts like these. She laughs when I finally break eye contact to walk and talk to David, the dad I coached soccer with earlier this spring. Since a cold shower isn’t in my agenda for this morning, it’s probably in my best interest to try to stay away from Leah for a while. Clearly I can’t trust myself and my twenty year old sex drive around her.

  When we walk into the dinosaur exhibit our tour guide gathers the children for instructions before they’re set free to explore. Or wreak havoc. I suppose it’s all subjective when you’re describing six year olds. I find a quiet seat near the back while watching the kids dig for pretend fossils. After a few minutes Leah comes and slides in smoothly on the bench, sitting right next to me.

  “Hey Stranger.” She says bumping my shoulder with hers. She’s been crazy flirty today and I’ve loved every second of it. At this point, my chances of abandoning this “friends” pact any second is looking pretty damn good. It takes me a second to focus enough to stop looking at her lips enough to pay attention to what she’s saying. Knowing me as well as she already clearly does, she waits for my attention to shift before she continues.

  “I haven’t seen you that much today. I’m starting to think that it’s on purpose. That maybe you don’t like me anymore…” I can’t stop myself from cutting her off with my laughter.

  “Leah, I think we both know that’s not the case…”

  “Yeah, I think we do,” she sighs and admits. “So friend, tell me how things have been? I mean, friends talk about their lives, right? This is how we do this thing we’re doing?”

  She’s looking right at me. Why does she keep saying that word? Friend? Just to be a smart ass I think. I can’t look at her directly. I don’t trust myself not to grab her and kiss those luscious lips.

  “Yes, friend. They do.” I answer. “Things have been good. Just working a lot, you know the drill. I’ve also been trying to do better for Abby. We went shopping for new clothes that day after pizza so hopefully the kids won’t tease her anymore. I took your advice and stocked up on dresses and skirts with leggings. I don’t think I’ll ever get her out of them. That’s all she’ll wear. I may have created a monster. I don’t know that she’ll ever let me buy another pair of jeans again. A man can only handle so much sparkle…”

  “You’re welcome,” she winks at me. “I did notice the cute little summer dress she had on today. Good job dad, I think you’ve done well. You’ll survive, and don’t worry – I’ll be sure to buy her something eeeextra sparkly for her birthday. Then I’ll shake some glitter on it, just for good measure.”

  It was said in all seriousness. While the way she teases me makes me all the more fond of her, for some reason, her compliment makes my day. As little and insignificant as it seems, this is the part of being a dad that I really wish her mom was here to help with. I don’t think its just confirmation that I’m learning though, that I’m doing better – even though I’m sure that plays a part. I think it has a lot to do with caring what Leah thinks specifically.

  “Well thanks, pal. It’s not easy raising a girl. She’s a lot like her mom but she’s got so much of my personality, especially my rebellious side.”

  “Oh yeah? The coolly, self possessed Steven Cooper has a rebellious streak?? I think that I’d definitely like to see that side of you some day….” she says, looking at me like she really genuinely would. Before I can say anything too inappropriate though she continues, “You’re always so calm and in control when I see you. You seem so composed and authoritative – it’s hard to imagine you letting go and being rebellious.”

  “Well, there are a lot of things you don’t know about me, Miss Collins.” I say with my best smart ass smirk. “I do like to be in control and in charge, but I also know how to rebel a little bit when I need to.”

  “Then I think we should become better friends Mr. Cooper, so that I can discover this side of you.” She smiles and I can still see her looking at me out of the corner of my eye, her eyebrows still piqued from my mention of control and being in charge. I know from that look that she is remembering the same night that I am, the night that she let me be in control of her body. She just stares at me for a minute and I can see her heart beating faster, feel her breathing heavier; but she sees the kids swarming around us and safely changes the subject.

  “So Steve, tell me about yourself. Educate me on everything that makes up this mysterious man sitting beside me.”

  I pivot on the bench just enough so that our knees now touch and for a moment, I contemplate not looking at her. I don’t know if I can right now. Just this slightest bit of physical contact with her has my palms clammy and my heart beating faster, my breathing matching the weighted cadence I see her still trying to gain control of. Once again, I’m screaming inside to pull myself together.

  “What would you like to know?” I ask her as coolly as I can, finally looking her right in the eyes. Hoping that I look much more composed than I feel.

  “Tell me all of the things that I don’t know. Considering most of what I know of you would be moderately inappropriate for conversation given our present environment, I imagine that there are a lot of things you could share.” She looks at me suggestively before adding, “For starters, you have this air of confidence, that composed and in control side of you we talked about. When you walk into a room, that air about you leaves no question as to who the boss is. Where does that side of you come from?”

  “Hmm…” I think for a beat, running my hands through my hair. It’s always been my nervous gesture. “I guess that part of my personality comes from my father. He doesn’t say much, but when he does you know he’s in charge. When he speaks, you know you’d better listen. Also, I’m the second oldest of five boys and I grew up on a farm where there was never an absence of things to do. Given my place in the birth order, I kind of took naturally to bossing people around. When my dad and Seth, my older brother, were busy or they weren’t around I was in charge. Really, I guess it’s just me. My friend Jo tells me I should tone it down a notch.”

  “So you have four brothers? Wow, I can’t imagine. Your house must have been crazy growing up! Especially, living on a farm. Your poor mother, how did she do that? Without managing to kill any of you? I have one boy and sometimes I feels like a hurricane has run through my house. I feel like Ethan has the energy of five kids so I can’t imagine there actually being five of him.” I smiles as she talks. It’s so funny listening to her talk about my childhood being crazy because to me, it’s just normal. I can see by the look on her face, by how her eyes light up at the chaos of it all, how crazy it would be to anybody who didn’t grow up like, well, me.

  “Yeah, well, my mom’s a special woman. I can’t deny it. She can be the single nicest, warmest person you’ve ever met but trust me, you
don’t want to cross her either. What about you though? What kind of childhood did you have that one boy is enough crazy for you?”

  She laughs before she answers. “I’m sure my childhood was much calmer than yours. It was just my sister and I, nothing crazy. We grew up in a quiet, organized home. We had fun, but it seems like it might have been a calmer version than yours.” I love her smile, how her face lights up while she’s remembering. “So how did you meet Abby’s mom?”

  “High school sweethearts. You know the story. How about you and Ethan’s dad?”

  “Best friends in college. One night of fun. You know the story.”

  Right as I’m about to say something in response to that, our tour guide announces that it’s time to move on. I realize only now how vague she’s been with her answers. Damn it, learning more about her makes me only want to know her even more...

  9 Leah

  I think I was relieved when Steve suggested we be friends. Well, mostly relieved. I was a little bit disappointed too. Obviously, “friends” is better - we have to see each other at work and at the kids’ school functions. The kids are developing a friendship I wouldn’t want to harm in any way. I’m so busy with work and Ethan I’m not sure when I’d find the time to be in a relationship. The whole idea of one is kind of terrifying. It’s been Ethan and I for so long I’m not even sure how I would attempt to balance another man in my life.

  But no matter how many ways I try to firmly cement Steve into the friend category, no matter how hard I try to only see him like that, I just can’t. I can’t get rid of the image of him between my legs. I can’t get rid of the way he looked like he was barely able to contain himself when I moaned as he slid his fingers inside of me. No matter how many reasons I can come up with for our choosing the friends road being a good thing, it still feels like more than that. I can’t get over how safe I feel with him either, or how sad I felt when I realized I’d hurt him by leaving.

  Actually, it’s not just me though. The way he looked at me when I turned from my conversation with Mrs. Withers and saw him standing behind me? That wasn’t a friend look. That was a look that tells me he wants to be inside of me just as much as I want him there. I wonder why he just wants to be friends? I still can’t figure it out, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea to get to know him. I can’t stop thinking about the chat we just had and how all it did was make me want to know him more.

  Fortunately, for my sanity I don’t have too much time to think about it because the field trip is soon in full swing and watching my five six year olds is a lot harder than I expected it to be. God forbid any two of them want to go the same direction for more than twelve seconds at a time. Do they serve wine at this museum? I doubt it. What a shame. They’d be billionaires tomorrow because I’m pretty sure the adults all need a glass right now.

  If I’m being fair though, it’s not just the kids. It’s the glances Steve keeps making at me, and how giddy he seems when the kids want our groups to stay together because Abby and Ethan are now inseparable. The kids are truthfully a welcome distraction from his green eyes. From his shaggy hair. From the glimpse of that Adonis like ‘V’ in is abdomen he caught me staring at when he threw Abby in the air. From the smug, satisfied look he had when he caught me looking at said “V.” I was a little worried that the time we have to spend together would be awkward but it’s not. It’s, well, it’s fun. It’s been a long time since I’ve had fun like this with a man, even if we are surrounded by a hundred elementary school kids. Our “get to know you” talk actually made me feel better. Even though we just scratched the surface, now I understand him a bit more and maybe friends is better than nothing.

  On the bus to head back to school Steve uses an extra fruit snack to smoothly bribe one of the kids out of the seat next to me and he plops himself down.

  “Whew. That was a workout. I didn’t think it was possible, but they almost seem to get more energetic the older they get, huh?” he asks as he nonchalantly leans his head on my shoulder on a how of feigned exhaustion.

  “Tell me about it,” I sympathize. “I’m ready for some takeout, a glass of wine, and a movie. That’s about all the excitement I’ve got left in me after today.”

  “Why, Leah… are you asking me out?” He winks at me.

  I blush. God. Will I ever stop blushing? The fact that I know I’m blushing makes me blush so much more. It’s some sort of vicious circle I’m doomed to be stuck in forever.

  “Well Steve, if you’re fishing for an invitation, you’re welcome to eat Chinese and watch a romantic comedy with me.”

  “Sounds like a plan, let’s do it. Not “it,” I mean the movie. Obviously not “it.” Because friends don’t do that.” I find it endearing that a man so confidant and self assured can be so flustered with the accidental mention of sex. I can’t help but smile at him.

  “What are you smiling at?” he asks, attempting to regain his composure.

  “You’re cute, that’s all.”

  “Cute, huh?” He raises an eyebrow at me. “Not sure that’s what I’m going for but I guess I’ll take it.”

  Fortunately for Steve we arrive back at school and our conversation is halted. Agreeing to go to my place I give him my address and we go our separate ways. When Ethan and I get home, I immediately jump in the shower. I’m not sure how far behind Steve is, but this feels like a date and I really think I need to freshen up. I lift my arm and sniff - yep, I definitely need to freshen up.

  Steve shows up just before five and we order food while we’re waiting Steve suggests we all sit down to play the game of Candyland that he brought with him. Apparently it’s Abby’s favorite. Ethan has play dates and I get along with the other parents alright but I can’t say that I have friendships with any of them that would stand without the kids. So it’s nice to all be able to have genuine fun like this together. Dinner arrives right when the game ends and we all sit and eat together.

  My mom always sat and had dinner with us, and my grandparents always did the same. I missed it so much though in the relatively short period of time Emily and I spent alone with my dad. That awful period of time where he rapidly degressed after mom died. I make sure Ethan and I make a point to sit and eat dinner together, catch up, talk about our day. It’s nice to find that Steve always had family dinners during his childhood on the farm and it’s important for him to do the same with Abby. All of these little things that I learn about him just make me like him more. This “friends” thing may be the death of me. I keep waiting for him to do something to make me like him a little less but it never happens.

  It’s also charming how he just makes himself at home. After his turn during the game, he just gets up and walks into my kitchen to opened the fridge to refill both of our wine glasses. My mother was warm and inviting, but we didn’t live in the kind of house where neighbors walked in the back door without knocking, the kind of house where people just made themselves at home and went to your fridge. But I like it. I like that he feels so comfortable yelling to me from the kitchen to ask where my corkscrew is. He must have had that loud, sibling filled, warm and inviting house I was always kind of envious of growing up.

  The kids barely stay awake through dinner and I turn on a movie for them in the game room. Steve and I sit down on the sofa with a movie of our own and it’s so relaxing. It’s so nice to put my feet up and talk with another adult tonight. I hadn’t realized how much I needed this adult interaction. Within half an hour the kids are dead silent which means either a) they’re asleep or b) something very important is broken and they’re trying to glue it back together. Steve gets up from his end of the couch to check. While he’s gone, I arrange my pillow and lay a little bit on my side, realizing just now how tired I am. Just as I get comfortable he comes back and announces that the silence was caused by the former not the latter, thank God. I start to move over to give him his spot back but surprising me, he walks over and lifts my legs up, sitting right under them. He puts my legs on his and begins to stroke whi
le we pick up our conversation right where we left off.

  He must not be nearly as out of practice as I feel because he’s sitting there calmly while my mind is racing from just the little bit of contact. It’s not sexual in nature, but he is, and him touching me in any way makes me want him to touch me more. I’m worried he can see my heart racing but when the conversation fizzles out and our attention turns to the movie he just lays down behind me and put his arm around me. This definitely isn’t friend territory.

  His hand is around my waist. Spooning is nice, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not what I want right now. His fingers brush back and forth across the stretch marks on my stomach. I move slightly because I’m insecure about that part of my body.

  “Why are you moving away from me?” He asks.

  “I don’t like them.” I reply.

  “Leah, you brought life into this would. You shouldn’t be ashamed of them. They’re beauty marks.”

  His words and the two glasses of wine I’ve consumed have me feeling a little more uninhibited that normal. I grab his hand and slide it under my shirt and up to my breast. That’s clearly all the nudge that he needs because he shifts and is now laying on top of me, kissing me. Kissing me like the night of the party only tonight it’s better. Tonight we’re both mostly sober and it’s different. It feels like more than just a need that we’re satisfying, more than just a surge of hormones and primal attraction. He holds my face in his hands and kisses me passionately. Slowly sliding his tongue in and out of my mouth, my tongue works around his: it’s a rhythm that makes me remember his tongue somewhere else, down lower, and I start to move into him. The fact that we have to stay quiet and underneath the blanket makes it so much more sexy, like it’s forbidden. He kisses me harder and slips his hand into my jeans, into my panties. Feeling how wet I am he lets out a groan that’s almost a growl. And it’s so fucking sexy. I feel his erection lengthen as we rub against each other like teenagers and I unbutton his jeans and wrap my hand around him. He’s so much bigger and thicker than I remember. As I open my mouth to tell him, I’m interrupted by the “Daddy, I need some water” and accompanying patter of little footsteps walking behind the sofa, coming in from the game room.