Love Confessed Read online

  “Steve” my name comes out in a whispered moan, a plea, and the sound makes me even harder than I’ve ever been before. I run my fingers through her hair across her clit. Her body is writhing under my touch and when I dip two fingers inside of her; she’s soaked. I move them in and out and her moans get deeper, louder. I move my attention from her breast down to her sex. She starts to tense and I place my other hand on her stomach rubbing small circles to relax her. She’s beautiful, every part of her and I need her to see that. I need for her to open up to me and not clam up like I can already tell she has to fight the urge to do.

  “Steve,” she moans again. I know what she’s saying just by her body language and I want this, need this, for both of us.

  “Shh. Don’t think Leah. Just try to relax and feel it.” I tell her. When my tongue glides across her clit her back arches off the bed. I continue licking, sucking, plunging into her.

  “Oh, God. Steve…don’t stop.” Her hips move to the rhythm of my fingers quickly she climaxes with a loud moan.

  “That may be my favorite sound of yours yet.” I tell her as I move back up her body. She just giggles and the hierarchy of my favorite sounds of Leah is confirmed. This one is my second favorite. The sound of her giggling is only superceded by the sound of her coming. I kiss her hard and deep and when she puts the condom on me I thrust into her. Her body’s relaxed from the first orgasm and I try to be gentle but I’ve wanted this for so long I can’t. I move into her hard and fast and she moves with me. Her moans are loud and I love that there’s nothing holding her back anymore. I grab her hips roughly and pull them up to move deeper. I’m lost. Lost in a primal feeling of needing to take her. Lost in the feeling of Leah. Lost in her breathing, her moaning. My orgasm moves through my entire body making my toes numb. My limbs feel weak. I lower my forward to Leah’s.

  “You’re amazing. I want to do this all night.” I say then kiss her slowly, softly, taking my time to savor her.

  11 Leah

  Wow. I remember the sex from the night of the party being great. Like really great. The best I’d had, actually. So imagine my surprise when sex the next time, relatively sober even, is way better than I remembered it being ever before. So, so much better. God, I’ve had good sex before. I’ve had really good sex. Steve is the best though. Clearly he isn’t just a creature of Greek mythology in looks but also in sexual prowess. Like now all I have to do is think about him in bed and I’m wet. It’s embarrassing how much just thinking about it, about him, affects me. I’ll be working on a deposition in my office and my thoughts will magically appear on the paper; the legal jargon will end abruptly and I’ll look down and find that I am writing about sex. Suddenly court dates, child support and visitation guidelines turn into tongues on nipples and cocks in mouths. Ugh. I feel pathetic.

  It’d been way too long since I had gotten laid and after I finally did, it was so amazing that now I can’t get it out of my head. I’ve been too busy to even take care of myself before this thing with Steve. I’ve been too busy to realize what I need. I’ve been so focused on work and mom life that, until these random lingering thoughts of Steve started haunting me, I can’t even remember the last time I really thought about sex.

  The greatest part though is that it isn’t just the sex. He is more than just that for me. I actually feel something, a connection that I haven’t felt since Joseph. It is so exciting; scary but so, so exciting. It is taking everything in me to not act like a giddy school girl. It’s been a week since the date, that amazing date from the powers above. We ran into each other at the last day of school party and even though it was hard to keep our distance after the intimate night we’d spent together, It still felt comfortable being with him. It still felt natural.

  I also love the way that Ethan interacts with Steve. Steve has taken a genuine interest in my son’s life, something that I’ve never allowed another man I’ve dated to do. I’ve always kept those two parts of my life very separate but with Ethan and Abby being friends it felt more, well, safe. Blending these two worlds not only feels impossible to avoid but it also feels okay. Something about him makes me feel safer than I have in a while. Not just physically, even though he does that too. Just thinking about those broad muscles and sculpted arms , about being held close to him and encased by his purely masculine scent I feel instantly at ease. I feel comfortable. Cozy. Warm and safe. A feeling I’ve exerted a conscious effort to avoid needing over the years.

  That’s why, whenever my phone vibrates with an incoming text message, I jump a little. I’m hopeful every time I look and, even though I’m hesitant to admit it, I’m disappointed every time it isn’t him. So when I look at my phone and my screen is lit with the selfie he took when he put his phone number in, the one he meant to be goofy but somehow ended up being lightheartedly handsome, my heart skips a little beat. Shit. I’m trying to drag my heels a little bit, trying to keep myself from falling too fast but there’s a magnetism, something pulling me to him. Something that makes me wish it were a little easier for me to let go and relax a little bit more in the start of this new relationship.

  When I open the message I just received it’s a picture of strawberries. A smile comes to my lips reflexively and the apex of my thighs starts to tingle. As if I’d been able to forget that night without reminders like this. Honestly I do have a new appreciation for the fruit that led to the best orgasm, well orgasms, I’ve ever had. I wish there had been time for more of them this week but with both of us getting ready to head out of town on vacations, we just haven’t able to get together.

  “Sorry we weren’t able to get together this week. Was really hoping to see you. Have a safe flight. “

  He read my mind, but did he really just use a plane emoticon? I’ve never before encountered an austerely masculine man, especially one over six feet tall, who uses emoticons - but it’s was one of the many silly little things that I enjoy about him. Those little things seem to be adding up at an uncanny speed.

  “Me too. This week has been busy getting ready to head out. I’m pretty sure strawberries will still be in season when I get back. Maybe we can have some more fun with them. ;) You make it back home?”

  “Yep. Actually really nice to be back. Will see how crazy I go by the end of the week though.”

  “Well good luck with that. Heading to the airport so talk to ya later.”

  “Let me know when you get there? Hey. And tell Ethan I said ‘Hi’ and that I hope he has fun on his trip?”

  That’s another thing I’m in love with. The genuine connection he has with my son. It isn’t forced, and Ethan has equally embraced his friendship with Steve. It isn’t nearly as disconcerting to sit back and watch as I’d once thought it would be. But that’s enough of that, I’ve got too much left to do to get ready to be a sap right now. I send Ethan next door to his friend Jordan’s house so I can finish packing. He’s so excited to go see his dad and grandparents that he is driving me crazy. Joseph video chats religiously but the last time our schedules have agreed enough for a transcontinental visit was when he was able to come to town for Thanksgiving last year. Fortunately he was also able to make it for Ethan’s play at school during that same visit. It was the first one he’d seen in person, and I don’t think that either of them had ever been happier. They love each other dearly and I wish they were able to spend more time together. As Ethan gets older though, I think it will be easier for them to find the time to be together more.

  I’ll admit that I’m looking forward to this visit too. Joseph’s family embraced me. They’ve stayed in touch religiously, and have extended the same offers as Joseph for me to move there and be part of the family over the years. But at the same time, they’ve never pressured me. Being a close family themselves, I think they understand why I have to stay stateside just like they never judge their son for his decision to stay with his family and pursue his career responsibilities there.

  The circumstances for us being together have just been unfortunate all around. We
have made it work as well as we both can, but I know it is just as hard on him at times as it is on me. I am grateful though that we have managed to stay friends, managed to be able to communicate well, managed to still like each other which I know not all co-parents are fortunate enough to do. Even though “our” ship sailed a long time ago, nobody who looks at him can deny that he’s hot as hell. Who did a British accent ever hurt? Nobody, I think.

  I go and pick Ethan up from the neighbors when the cab arrives to take us to O’Hare. I booked our flights where we’d have a layover for dinner and then Ethan would be able to sleep the duration. I have to try to make the eight and a half hour flight as easy on an excited six year old as is possible for both of our sakes. Once we are in the cab and I’m finally able to stop planning and listing and packing and repacking, I am able to sit back and be excited as well. Ethan’s excitement is contagious. It is going to be a good week. We are flying out on Friday evening and I don’t fly home until the following Friday morning. When we board our flight and I pull my phone out of my pocket to switch to airplane mode I quickly check my emails first – fortunately there is a rare lull in my cases that affords me the chance to take this vacation. I respond to the texts from my grandmother and sister telling me to have fun and to let them know when I land safely.

  Of course Emily has to add that there is nothing wrong with taking advantage of a certain handsome Brit while I’m in town. She knows that Joseph and I are just friends, co-parents, but she’s always thought we make a good couple and is constantly pushing for me to loosen up and act my age – especially with my son’s father. I’ve been afraid to mention my hookup with Steve when we had what I thought was a one night stand, and I haven’t had the chance to talk to her yet to fill her in on any recent developments. It’s a conversation she’ll love way too much for it to be short –I’ll have to have it soon enough though so she doesn’t kill me by the time I finally get around to telling her. I’m the older sister, and in many ways, a mother to Emily as well. While I know she won’t judge me (hell, she’ll probably hug me), I’m still embarrassed to tell her for some reason. I’m also surprised to see a text from my dad as well.

  Hey Leah. I talked to your sister and she said you and Ethan were going to London for the week. Just wanted to say I hope you both have a good flight and a great time. You both deserve it. It’d be nice to see you sometime soon.

  Hm…I rarely hear from my father. He and Ethan talk here and there but things between us never recovered after my mother’s death and it’s far from normal for him to reach out to say hello. I am too busy to deal with him now though. He can wait until I get back.

  The last text is from Joseph, who I’ve just talked to an hour ago to run through our plans for landing and rides and such.

  Ten hours, kitten. Can’t wait to see the both of you.

  I’m often fairly convinced that he and Emily are teaming up against me. Bastards.

  After dinner, Ethan and I both crash and I’m grateful because I’m pretty sure he won’t give me a chance to catch my breath once we’re there. I gladly embrace this welcome respite from six year old energy and enthusiasm. I don’t think I’ve seen him so excited. Joseph has sent Ethan some ideas of things to do and he’s looked at them constantly on his tablet ever since this trip was planned. I’m pretty sure he’s got a solid weeks’ itinerary booked in his little head.

  There are two hours left in the flight when I wake up and smile at my baby, who’s not a baby anymore, sleeping next to me. Then I pull out the half read book I’ve thrown in my bag so I’d have something to entertain me on the plane. It’s a romance novel, the last in a series I’ve enjoyed, and I haven’t had time to finish. It’s one of those books that I feel warrants my undivided attention, which is something I haven’t had the attention to devote. I owed it to my imagination to pour myself wholly into this book but that was before Steve and the things he did to me last weekend. Now that’s all mu book makes me think of and it’s killing me. Why didn’t we make the time for another date? Ugh. It’s going to be a long week – it’s just started and I’m already so sexually frustrated frustrated.

  Fortunately I finish the book right before Ethan wakes up as we begin our descent and we’re able to excitedly take in the sights together as we head into Heathrow. It’s a little bit foggy as we land, and I’m more than looking forward to the 50-60 degree weather. It’s only the middle of June and in Chicago it’s already much more humid than I care for or that my hair can stand for that matter. Ethan’s literally jumping up and down as we walk out of the terminal, looking through the crowds trying to spot his father. It’s a busy Saturday morning in a giant airport and I’m dreading having to try to contain my excited son while we sift through the masses to find his father; but when we turn the corner and exit the security gate to where people are waiting to pick up their passengers, I stop dead in my tracks. There’s no missing him. Joseph stands a good head taller than most of the other people milling around. He crouches down as Ethan runs and jumps in his arms, and Joseph sets down the flowers and balloons he’s holding to grab his son.

  Six is a big year. Ethan’s changed so much since we last saw Joseph in person. I’m sure it’s hard on Joseph to see Ethan and think about what he’s had to miss. When Joseph looks at me, I think his eyes are tearing up a little bit and it takes everything in me not to cry as well. But that’s not all that’s kept me rooted in my place. It’s the way he looks at me too. I think he’s gotten even more handsome with age. I stop standing there staring and trying to hold it together watching this much needed reunion. When they finally pull apart I tentatively walk over, and Joseph stands as I approach.

  “God darling, I’ve missed you.” He pulls me into one of his perfect hugs and kisses the top of my head, catching me off guard. Such an innocent, caring gesture but it makes me feel a spark I don’t expect. Maybe this vacation won’t just be good for Ethan. Maybe we all need to spend some time together.

  12 Steve

  My mom has kept my childhood bedroom almost exactly the same as when I left it sixteen years ago. Nothing has moved. Sometimes it feels like shrine which I’m not crazy about. Sometimes though, at times like this, it makes it feel more comfortably and homey.The room feels smaller than it used to, but I’m pretty sure that’s only because I’m not a boy anymore. My high school trophies decorate one wall and my dresser with a TV on top are on another. The white walls have become slightly discolored over the years. The sheets and comforter on my queen size bed are the only items I don’t recognize. I know my mom bought new ones just for our visit this week. Just like her last visit to my house in the city, she’s still taking care of me and the thought makes me smile.

  As I drop our bags down on the floor beside my desk in the corner underneath the shelves of trophies, I notice a picture of me and Janie sitting on top of it. I stand still as my memories flood back to the day we took it. It was a fall day, and we’d driven a couple of miles out of town to an orchard. Our business had been picking up and we needed a break, some quiet time alone. I wanted to take her apple picking, then sneak off somewhere for a picnic with her favorite bottle of wine. I thought it would be something fun to do and maybe a little romantic. Before we left I made sure to grab my camera. She looked absolutely beautiful that day, too beautiful for me to not get a photo of it. She was wearing jeans, black boots and a long black sleeved shirt with a blue down vest over it and I loved that look on her more than when she got all dressed up. It was natural. It was Janie. It was perfect. I walked us out to a remote place in the trees where no one would see us then I laid out a blanket and the small picnic I had packed for us. We laid there that day staring up at the sky, talking about our future, she was curled up against me with her head on my shoulder and right as I took the picture she kissed my cheek and whispered in my “I’m pregnant.” It was only then that I realized all of the other clues I’d missed. She hadn’t touched the wine the whole picnic. She had been up at night lately, not sleeping well and had been readin
g books and hiding them whenever I came into the room. Now, her pushing food back and forth on her plate all made sense. I had no idea how much my life would change after that but I was ready for it. I’d never been more excited for anything. Just knowing we were going to be parents together, I instantly felt what I can only describe as calm and whole.

  When Janie died I stayed with my parents for the first few months. I felt like my whole world collapsed around me and I didn’t think I could take care of a child on my own. Hell, I didn’t even know how to take care of myself without Janie there. I was right but I was determined to learn. I wanted to be super dad and to go on like everything was okay for the daughter I had with the woman I loved so dearly. I knew I needed to be strong but the first few weeks after she died I felt like I couldn’t move. Those few weeks at home with my family are what held me together. I’m so grateful my mom was there. She helped me put myself back together while teaching me how to take care of Abby. I remember putting this picture of Janie up when I first brought Abby home. I needed to feel like Janie was here with us, and I must have left it here when I went back home.

  I can’t help but wonder if Janie would approve of Leah. I think she would. I actually could seem them having been friends. Leah’s different from her in many ways but definitely not in the intensity of the connection between us. It’s all consuming, similar to the way it was with Janie but different at the same time. I can’t help but shake the feeling that we could be just as amazing. In our own way of course, a different way but still amazing none the less.

  Leah has come into my life so completely that our connection just feels right. Like I was meant to find her all along. I’ve tried to tell myself that it’s ridiculous to feel this way about somebody so new but I can already tell that it’s different than it has been with others. I haven’t stopped thinking about her since the party but even more so since our date. The way she gives a tiny snort when she’s laughing really hard, the high pitched squeal she makes when she’s excited, the little moans when she’s turned on and thinks I can’t hear it. I also can’t forget the way she feels beneath my fingers. I feel like I’m going crazy because of how badly I miss her. Knowing that I am not going to see her for at least another week is making me long for her, a feeling that I’ve become quite familiar with lately.